When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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