I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
