Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
