If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize