Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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