I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
