I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
