She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize