dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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