She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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