Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
