What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
