I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
