you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
