You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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