Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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