I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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