I can tuck mytits in my pants
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
