I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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