i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
