8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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