no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
