wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
