She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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