There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
