I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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