I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
