but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
