Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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