Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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