If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
