I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
