I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
