the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
