Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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