I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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