new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
