Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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