Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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