marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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