Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My liver just had a heart attack.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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