were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
