You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My feet surprised me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
