You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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