Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize