I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
