Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
