at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
