they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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