I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
