My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
