You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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