dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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