just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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