If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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