dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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