my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
