did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They have beer where we have blood.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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