"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The air was thick with penises
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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