Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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