just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
