Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
