You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
