I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
