Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
