I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
