first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
