So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize