Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
