miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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