every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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