Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
