Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
