he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
